Letter Moth

Du or Sie? Formal vs Informal Address in Outreach Messages

· 4 min read · By the Letter Moth team

When you write to a stranger in German, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian or Dutch, you have to choose how to address them: formally or informally. The safest rule is to start formal when you are writing to someone senior, someone you have never spoken to, or someone in a country or industry known for formality, and to switch to informal only when they do first.

English has no such choice, which is why it trips people up. This guide gives you a default for each language, the situations where informal is normal, and how Letter Moth's new formal and informal setting helps you stay consistent.

Why does formal vs informal address matter in outreach?

The wrong register is rarely fatal, but it changes how your first line lands. Writing "du" to a senior recruiter in Germany can read as presumptuous. Writing "Sie" in a startup where everyone uses first names can read as stiff or distant. In both cases the reader notices before they have understood your request.

Register is also a signal of effort. A message that uses the form of address the reader expects shows that you took a moment to write to them rather than translating a template.

What is the safe default for each language?

These are general patterns, not rules, and they vary by industry, company and age. When you cannot tell, the formal option is the safer default for a first message in all six languages below.

  • German (Sie / du): use Sie with recruiters, hiring managers and anyone you have not met. Du is common in startups, creative fields and among peers, and many people in tech switch to it quickly, but let them go first.
  • French (vous / tu): use vous for a first message to a professional contact. Tu appears in some startups and between colleagues, usually after an invitation.
  • Spanish (usted / tú): in Spain, tú is widely used even in professional settings, especially with peers. In much of Latin America, usted is more common with senior or unfamiliar contacts. When in doubt, a polite tú with courteous wording is rarely wrong in Spain, while usted is the careful choice elsewhere.
  • Portuguese: in Brazil, "você" is the everyday form and sounds friendly rather than rude; "o senhor" and "a senhora" are for clearly formal or senior contacts. In Portugal, formal writing usually avoids "você" and uses the person's name or title instead, while "tu" is for people you know well.
  • Italian (Lei / tu): use Lei for a first professional message. Tu is normal among peers and in many startups.
  • Dutch (u / je): u is formal and still correct for a first message to someone senior, but je is very common in Dutch workplaces, including in recruiting, so je is not the risk that du can be in German.

When is informal the right choice?

Informal is the right choice when the other person has used it, when the company's own communication does, or when you share a context that makes it natural: a community, a conference, a startup channel, a mutual contact who introduced you with first names.

Look at how the person writes on LinkedIn. If their posts are casual and they address readers as "du" or "tu", an informal message will probably feel at home. If their headline lists titles and their posts read like press releases, stay formal. If they reply to your first message informally, mirror them from the next message on.

How do greetings and sign-offs change with the register?

The form of address is only part of it. The greeting and sign-off carry the register too, and they should match the pronoun you use.

  • German, formal: "Guten Tag Frau Schmidt," and "Mit freundlichen Grüßen". Informal: "Hallo Anna," and "Viele Grüße".
  • French, formal: "Bonjour Madame Martin," and "Cordialement". Informal: "Bonjour Julie," or "Salut Julie," and "À bientôt".
  • Spanish, formal: "Estimada Ana García:" and "Saludos cordiales". Informal: "Hola Ana," and "Un saludo".
  • Brazilian Portuguese, formal: "Prezada Ana," and "Atenciosamente". Informal: "Olá, Ana," and "Abraço".
  • Italian, formal: "Buongiorno Anna Rossi," and "Cordiali saluti". Informal: "Ciao Anna," and "A presto".
  • Dutch, formal: "Beste mevrouw Jansen," and "Met vriendelijke groet". Informal: "Hoi Anna," and "Groet".

How does Letter Moth handle formal and informal address?

When you choose a language other than English, a second control appears with the actual pronouns on the buttons, for example Formal (Sie) and Informal (du). You pick one, and the whole draft follows it: the pronoun, the verb forms, the greeting and the closing. The default is formal, and you can change the default in Settings.

Letter Moth also never guesses a person's gender or title from a first name. If the page does not make it clear whether to write "Herr" or "Frau", "Estimado" or "Estimada", the draft greets the person by name instead, which is always acceptable.

If a draft comes out at the wrong register, change the setting and write again, or use the box under the draft to ask for a change. Rewrites such as Shorter keep the register you chose.

A quick checklist before you send

Before you press send on a message in another language, run through four questions: Does the pronoun match the greeting? Does the sign-off match the greeting? Would this person write to a stranger this way? Is there anything here I could not repeat out loud in a call? If you can answer yes to all four, send it.

For more on sounding natural, see how to make AI-written messages sound human. To set your default language and register, install Letter Moth and open Settings.

Try Letter Moth free

Drafts a LinkedIn note, cold email or application answer from the page you are on. You edit it and press send. 5 drafts a day are free, no card needed.

Add to Chrome, it's freeSee the install steps

Frequently asked questions

Should I use du or Sie when messaging a recruiter in Germany?

Start with Sie. Switch to du only if the recruiter uses it first or if their company clearly writes informally.

Is tu ever acceptable in a first French message?

Sometimes in startups or between peers who share a community, but vous is the safer choice for a first professional message.

What about Dutch? Is je too casual?

Not usually. Je is very common in Dutch workplaces, including recruiting. U is still polite for a senior contact, and either works as a first message.

Does the formal setting change the whole draft?

Yes. Letter Moth uses the pronoun, verb forms, greeting and sign-off of the register you choose, and rewrites keep it.

Keep reading